My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
