she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Randomize
