I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
