I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
