DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
