I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
