I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
