She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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