I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
