she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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