i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
