I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize