i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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