Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
