Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
