I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
