out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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