I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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