watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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