I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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