you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
