i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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