I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
