I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
