I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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