I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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