He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
