Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
