why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
