I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
