I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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