3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
