She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
