bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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