I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
