you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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