Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
two words...techno handjob
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
