So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
