Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
