i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
