Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
no you cant smoke seaweed
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
