I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize