in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
