apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
