my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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