suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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