pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
