Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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