drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
