I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
