If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize