So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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