I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
