Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
