you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
