hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
