dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Everclear isn't food dammit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
