i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Fuck appropriateness.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
