Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
bring money and cleavage
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize