Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
