Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
