I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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