Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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