what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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