Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize