Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm like, not good at living.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
