We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
