i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
don't judge my taste in strippers
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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