Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
